Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Why can’t my wife just accept the fact that I’m going to cheat?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Recently, I cleared my JP Morgan coding round. Next, I received mail for a video interview. What kind of questions are asked in this round? How do I prepare myself?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I know who the president of Turkey really is

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t cotton to rapists

Why do White people love dogs more than humans?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

For an unpublished short story writer, what magazines or online publications offer the best chance of being recognized?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Why is India lagging behind China in economic development when India is a democracy while China isn’t?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

What are the reasons for your political affiliation with the Democratic party? What are some aspects of the party that you support and some that you do not?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I can count

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

What are some ways to cope with paranoid thoughts about being gangstalked or targeted individuals?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I see through liars

I don’t buy bullshit

Can we state Alia Bhatt as the most versatile actress in Bollywood now?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

What was your most memorable combat mission during the Vietnam War?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why are there so many single moms in America?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

What type of sex do women prefer, oral, anal, or vaginal?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I actually pay taxes

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have a reading level above third grade

I can read

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have an acute aversion to scumbags